I’m excited about possibilities

Hi Mamie-Rose.

It’s a beautiful sunny day at my house. Cold and sparkly. The days are getting longer and winter is on its downward slide. Spring is only a few months away. It will be nice to feel warm again.

My last letter to you has been on my mind a lot lately. I was telling you my story about trigger episodes. It helped a lot, by the way, verbalizing those experiences. Noticing and recognizing them  for what they are is a relatively new experience for me and now that I am facing this truth in my life I realize I have a lot to learn.

Each little step toward admitting and understanding abuse and the resulting triggers brings with it a deeper awareness of the effect this has had on my life. I’m grateful because it means I’ve moved a tiny bit closer to wellness.

My description of the trigger incidents didn’t sound all that bad, thinking about them later. They weren’t the worst I’ve experienced, by any means, but any trigger no matter how small is still uncomfortable and of significance.

I was trying to think of a word picture for what happens in my mind during these events. The scenario that popped into my head was prison lock-down. Have you ever seen action movies where this happens? Cell doors clanging. A sudden and indefinite halt in life. That’s a good picture of what happens in my mind.

On a brighter note.

I’m encouraged with the feedback I’m getting about this blog. The main motivation behind it was to support fellow travelers on this hard road in life.

It is a hard road. For more people than you might think.

I want to find a way to provide a similar type of support – as a way to give back some of what has been invested in me. I’m hearing there is a great need for something like this and it spurs me on to get this up and running.

Fourteen years ago, when in crisis, a friend introduced me to a support group for  women struggling with life’s wounds. It was a turning point for me.

One significant impact the group had on my journey was teaching me the value of telling my story. I didn’t believe it could  do so much good.

In the beginning I couldn’t speak up when it was my turn. Everyone was so gracious in accepting my reluctance because they understood. Eventually I felt safe enough to at least say … Hi, my name is Janette, I’m the adult child of an alcoholic. This statement speaks volumes to those who have been there, so it was enough.

That was the most difficult challenge, allowing people in to my pain.  The ice was broken with the first telling, small though it was, and I could gradually add more details as the weeks went on.

I’ve told my story many times over the years and with every telling something new happens and it changes me.

I’m trying to figure out a safe way for us to share our stories and our struggles in this setting, I know there are some who would appreciate the opportunity. I’m thinking maybe moderated comments that don’t get posted might work for those not wanting to go public. Maybe one or two of my friends will do a trial run with me to see  if we can find something that will do the job for us.

In the meantime, I pray that I will have something to say in these letters, something that will fill a need and speak to someone’s hurting heart .

I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me Mamie Rose. I feel a bit neglectful of you today, as sometimes my thoughts slipped into strategizing mode and you were all but forgotten. Talking to you does help me work things through, so, thank you, you are a good friend.

Talk to you again soon,

♥♥♥

Janette

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “I’m excited about possibilities

  1. Hi, Janette. Thanks for letting me read your letters. This is the test you asked for to see if comments could stay private if the person wanted. Perhaps if a commenter wanted to speak only to the letter-writer, so wanted the comment kept private, we could suggest they put that at the beginning of their comment. Like:
    PRIVATE:
    When we can recognize that we are triggered, it is an important step to accepting how our natural responses have been changed and trained to our very core. When I am triggered, I often dissociate as my childhood body/mind response takes over. I often “freeze” (as opposed to flight or fight) as a flashback or emotion takes over. Others rarely notice this has happened to me, but I realize I have missed some of the conversations.
    Recognizing what my triggers are has helped. One of the most basic is a smell, as we seldom have a choice about when they waft toward us. Passing someone in a hallway, driving down a street, shopping. Recognizing specifically what smell triggers me has helped me recover faster. I know the smell, begin to respond, but have learned to talk to myself about it. “That smell is dangerous. Where is it coming from? Am I in danger or remembering danger?” and then I can decide an action, rather than freeze. “If I am in danger, I need to leave NOW.” or “It is just a memory. I know that person who reminded me of the smell is not a threat to me. I can fight or leave, but for now, I will just accept that I don’t like the smell but I have no reason to not like that person, or at least to not be afraid of them.”
    Anyway, just a comment…

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    1. Thanks for the thanks but the letters are meant to be read by everyone. I felt led that the format on this blog was to be done this way, because there is a bigger picture here. God is up to something broader than what we had in mind. I would still like to see us make provision somehow for our original intent. We can talk more about this in another area with more flexibility. Thank you for the thoughts and insight on your triggers, it is really helpful. I am in the early stages of figuring mine out so this is pretty new still. Don’t forget to follow so you get the notifications. The letters are aimed at whoever wishes to read them. Take from them whatever strikes a note in your heart. I pray over every post. Now lets see if this comment part works the way we hope it will 🙂

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